


Mythadventures

by preciousbunnynoiz



Series: AU!!! on Ice! [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, M/M, Ridiculous, Silly, really silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 20:58:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10727112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousbunnynoiz/pseuds/preciousbunnynoiz
Summary: A story extremely loosely based on Greek Mythology with the cast of YOI“Yuri get ready we’ve got an assignment!” he yelled up the stairs.“It’s not from my slut of a mum is it?” a voice yelled down.“We do not slut shame deities in this house because if we did none of us would exist!” Victor yelled back.





	1. We do not slut shame deities in this house young man!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened guys. I had an idea for a super serious AU with Blood and Death and Sex and instead we got this. 
> 
> I don't even know

“Victor are you listening to me at all?” Lilia huffed.  Victor looked over at the Goddess and supressed a sigh.

“Sorry Lady Lilia, not really. I’m assuming my father has been indiscreet again?” he asked giving full attention to the Mother of the Gods.  Yakov, the Father of the Gods was nice enough God if loud but the man couldn’t keep it in his pants. Victor was proof of that. A less refined Goddess would take her husband’s failures out on the children but Lilia was above that. She preferred to punish Yakov directly through pointed comments and worse, by keeping in touch with all her husband’s bastards and treating them with love and care. They inevitably had a great relationship with her and mostly ignored her husband if not regarding him with outright disdain. He was very grumpy about that and it was much more satisfying.

“Ugh probably but that’s not what I’ve been talking about this time. There’s been some worry about Toshiya’s son.” Lilia said sipping her tea. Victor frowned looking at her.

“Toshiya the God of joy and wine right? I didn’t know he had a son.” He sat down next to her moving his god gifted sword out of the way.

“Toshiya fell in love a while back with some princess named Hiroko.  Hiroko already had a daughter by her husband who had been killed in battle and is quite the sweet sort. Anyway, she and Toshiya got to hanging around and poof Yuuri happened. Unfortunately, Toshiya can’t offer a lot of protections, it’s not his field and a human king who goes by the uncouth initials “JJ” has moved into the palace of Hiroko’s late husband and is being…highly unpleasant.” Lilia explained. “There’s a suspicious dragon hanging around and I rather anticipate Yuuri being offered up as a virgin sacrifice. Toshiya’s in no place to interfere and he’s _such_ a dear so could you please scootch over there and save his son for me?” she asked taking another biscuit.

Victor smiled and looked over at his god gifted sword and shield. He liked being a heroic legend. He got to help people and do things which surprised the world and generally right wrongs.

“I’ll take little Yuri with me,” he said smiling back at the Goddess, “It’ll do him good to see what exactly goes into heroing”

Lilia smiled benignly at her favourite step-child.

“You do that and remind him that strength is useless without beauty so he shouldn’t be ashamed!” she chided before disappearing.  Victor stood and stretched. This could be quite the interesting adventure.

“Yuri get ready we’ve got an assignment!” he yelled up the stairs.

“It’s not from my slut of a mum is it?” a voice yelled down.

“We do not slut shame deities in this house because if we did none of us would exist!” Victor yelled back.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP VICTOR IS IT MY MUM OR NOT?” Yuri appeared at the top of the stairs bristling with tiny blond rage.

Victor sighed. Being the son of the Goddess of Love was not sitting well with Yuri despite him shining with beauty at an age when most people looked like swamp monsters.

“It’s not your mom it’s Lilia.” Victor told his young charge.

There’s a pause.

“I’m not going.”

“It’s come with me or stay here with Mila who I will remind you has super human strength and can literally bench press you with one hand.” Victor waited.

“FINE”

And that’s how Victor and his tiny angry companion found themselves on the road to Hasteu. A city state near the mountains.


	2. Being fed to a dragon can really ruin your day

Yuuri, if he was being honest, was having a shit day.  First JJ demanded to be waited on hand and foot and it was _bad manners_ not to treat him properly. I mean he was royalty and Yuuri was just a bastard. He didn’t even know who his dad was. Not that it had mattered before JJ. Hiroko and Mari always treated him with love like he was just another part of the family and none of the people under their rule loved him any less.

Then JJ had shown up, claimed diplomatic courtesy and proceeded to treat Yuuri and Mari and Hiroko like shit.

Particularly Yuuri.

It was clear to Yuuri what JJ wanted which was Hasteu handed to him on a silver platter.

It was also clear that this dragon had probably been lured but when shock of shocks ‘JJ’s’ soothsayer said it would only be appeased if it ate Yuuri…well there wasn’t a lot Yuuri or his family could do to stop it.

So here he was, chained to a rock, wearing a white robe and waiting to be eaten.

This was the exact opposite of a good day.

“Hello!”

A voice broke through his melancholy thoughts and he peered down at the forest floor (it was quite a large rock he was chained to and he was chained quite high up so that the dragon couldn’t miss him) he could just make out a shock of platinum blond hair and a flash of a more golden blond next to it.

“Hello?” he called down.

“Are you Yuuri Katsuki?” the voice called up again.

“Do you see any other people being offered to a dragon?” Yuuri called back.

“Fair point. Okay Yuuri I’m Victor Nikiforov and I’ve been sent to rescue you! Have you seen the dragon?”

Yuuri sighed and rolled his eyes.

“No I rather think that if I had I wouldn’t still be here to be rescued” he shouted back down before his brain caught up with him. Hang on, Victor….it couldn’t be legendary demi-god Hero Victor freaking Nikiforov could it?

“Right, of course, I’ll have you down in a jiffy!” the Voice called up before the platinum blond figure moved out sight. There was a long period of mostly silence broken up by the sounds of faint swearing as someone climbed up the back of the rock.

“Who’re you?” Yuuri called down to the brighter blond blob below him.

“Someone who doesn’t give a shit about this!” a higher pitched voice called up. Ah okay, fair enough.

Yuuri waited patiently then, listening to the grunts and swearing as it moved closer.

At long last a tall pale male with yes, platinum blond hair and sharp blue eyes came into view.

“Hello again!” The admittedly gorgeous man said with a bright smile, “That looks extremely uncomfortable” he said with a smile slightly twisted in sympathy.

“A bit, but I have a bit of ledge here to stand on so it’s not as bad as it could be I suppose” Yuuri said more for something to say because this person certainly looked like the legendary hero but he was less…egotistical then Yuuri expected. He was still, however, someone who Yuuri absolutely did not mind being rescued by. Victor was looking at him with a blinding smile.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous!” Victor said in a kind of an awed voice. Yuuri blushed deeply.

“You’re rather handsome yourself” he admitted.

They gazed at each other for a moment before a sound of retching could be heard.

“COULD YOU TWO MAYBE FLIRT AFTER YOU’VE RESCUED HIM?” The blond blob yelled up from the floor of the forest.

“Right! Rescue! I’ll just get to work on these chains! Thanks Yuri!” Victor said blinking quickly and yelling down at the person on the forest floor, presumably also named Yuri. To Yuuri’s surprise he reached not for his sword but for a collection of thin metal rods hanging from his belt. “Lockpicks” he explained glancing up at Yuuri. 

Yuuri watched with keen interest as he got to work on the locks keep the chains on.

While Victor concentrated on the locks (and Yuuri concentrated on _him_ ) neither of them noticed the dragon turn up.

But the other Yuri did.

“HEY! STUPID! SOMETHING BIG AND GREEN HAS TURNED UP!” Yuri yelled gaining the attention of not only the two on the rock but the dragon.

Dragons, like magpies and certain types of cats, are extremely attracted to little shiny things. This dragon was fairly young and what it saw when it looked at Yuri was a shiny, pretty, yelling thing that looked like it wouldn’t be too afraid to give it pets.

So it got down to Yuri’s level and started purring and bumping the shiny thing gently with his head.

There was a moment when the three demi-gods froze before Yuri actually cooed with delight and yes, reached forward to scratch the dragon behind the ear.

“Oh you are just so pretty! What a pretty dragon! You didn’t want to eat that fatty anyway did you? You’re going to come home with me and I’ll feed you proper food” Yuri was full on hugging the dragon’s head at this point _and the dragon was still purring!_

Victor and Yuuri blinked, shared a look and shrugged before getting back to the task of freeing Yuuri. The chains came loose and Yuuri breathed a sigh of relief. He rubbed his arms a bit to get the feeling back into them a bit and then followed Victor’s lead as he slowly led them back down the rock. Victor hit the ground first and offered his hand to Yuuri to help him down.

They walked around to the other Yuri and the dragon still holding hands.

The dragon glared at them but otherwise pointedly ignored them. It had picked it’s human and all other humans could go to hell.

“What are you going to do with the dragon?” Yuuri asked after a moment.

“I’m going to keep him!” Yuri replied happily.

“What are you going to feed him?” Victor asked shifting quietly closer to Yuuri.

“Cows or deer. Why I don’t I worry about that and you stop slobbering over fatty over there.” Yuri snarled.  Both Victor and Yuuri blushed with Yuuri quickly dropping Victor’s hand and stepping away slightly.

“What are you going to call him?” Yuuri asked after a moment while Victor sulked. The teen appeared to think about it.

“Skullcrusher” he finally said.

“…You’re 15, aren’t you?”

“FUCK YOU PIG!”


	3. Gods have the best wine

The trio conferred briefly of what to do next. Yuuri expressed the desire to drink after the morning he’d had and Victor was quick to say that he had a friend living nearby they could call in on.

Yuri tried to point out that they should just get Yuuri back and beat up this JJ person but Victor was quick to put his hand over his companion’s mouth.

That’s how the three of them and a dragon ended up outside the house of Christophe God of Love and half-brother to Yuri. While Yuri inherited the beauty from their mom Chris inherited the more…lustful aspects of their mother.

“Why does Chris have a house in the mortal world?” Yuri grouched.

“He fell in love with a mortal and they live here together.” Victor shrugged.

“Why does everyone in our family sleep around?” Yuri muttered.

“Maybe immortality is just that boring” Yuuri offered slightly testily, “Now about that drink…”

“Chris is a friend, I’m sure we’ll be welcome” Victor said knocking on the door and really hoping that was true. But the God of Love answered, kissed Victor twice on the cheeks, gave his little brother a hug and kissed up Yuuri’s arm before inviting them inside.

Yuuri, stressed about what was happening back home and feeling nervous about the legend pressed up against him drank slightly more than he meant to.

‘Slightly’ meaning ‘became Piss roaring drunk’ which is when things got weird.

Yuri was a touchy drunk and demanded music to dance to which Christophe provided, entertained by what has happening. Then he grabbed a rage fuelled Yuri, who hadn’t had a drop of alcohol, and started to dance with him. Much to Victor’s shock little Yuri started giggling and dancing along. By the time Yuuri let go of him he was stumbling, drunk off his ass. Christophe, curious invited himself for a dance and sure enough, within a few measures of wild dancing he too was a laughing drunk mess.

Victor was torn. 

On the one hand, it looked really fun and he’d get a chance to dance with Yuuri but on the other hand he’d probably end up drunk.

But _dance with Yuuri!_

So, he got up to dance.

He’d never had so much fun in his life!

They twisted and spun and laughed and kissed.

An hour later the dancing had finished but they were all still drunk as more wine seemed to keep happening. Yuri was trying to put a flower crown on Skullcrusher, Christophe was trying to tell a funny story about the Gods but kept forgetting what he’d just said and Victor was sat on the floor with Yuuri on his lap while the two of them made out.

“Victor” Yuuri whined pulling away from a kiss earning a pout from the man beneath him, “Victor why does JJ hafta be such a dick?”

“Dunno but if he wasn’t I’d not get to kiss you. I like kissing you” Victor said trying to get them back on task.  Yuuri gave a bright smile.

“Really? Cause I like kissing you too”

They showed how much they liked it for a few minutes before Yuuri pulled away again smacking Victor in the chest.

“You know what would be good!?” he asked excitedly.

“Kissing?” Victor asked hopefully causing Yuuri to giggle.

“No silly! We should show up back at my house with the dragon and scare JJ into leaving and then you can meet my mum and she’ll make us katsudon!” Yuuri said excitedly.

“Ooooooo katsudon sounds good right now!” Christophe said focusing on the couple.

“I KNOW RIGHT? Small Yuri can we use your dragon to make JJ goes away. He shouldn’t get any katsudon cause he tried to get me ate.” Yuuri asked blinking at the blond who stood swaying next to his dragon, flower crown still in his hand.

“Can Skullcrusher eat him?” Yuri asked finally, Yuuri shrugged.

“Maybe” Yuuri answered before turning back to Victor, “Come meet my Mom. You gotta meet my Mum because I wanna introduce her to the man I wanna marry”

Victor blinked up at him before breaking out into a huge grin and squeezing the younger man close to him.

“YUUUUURRRRIIII! I wanna marry you too because you’re the cutest! Let’s go meet your mum!”

Somehow, they convinced Skullcrusher to let three drunk demi-gods and one drunk full god to ride on him to Yuuri’s palace as the four of them kept passing a wine skin between them.


	4. Drunken shenanigans

JJ was reigning supreme in the palace. Sitting on the throne and drinking with his buddies while Mari and Hiroko served them as was customary when screams of terror were heard from outside.

Mari and Hiroko ran to the balcony followed by JJ sweeping majestically with his entourage.

“Who dares disturb King JJ?” he demanded and stopped dead. The dragon he had lured here specially to remove the demi-god son of Hiroko was standing outside the balcony, wearing a flower crown for some reason and with four men riding it’s back. One of whom was Yuuri Katsuki.

“Shit.” Was all he managed to say before Yuuri spotted him and angrily managed to stumble from the dragon to the balcony.

“JJ! Why are you such a dick! Trying to get me ate! That’s not cool man but I got to meet Victor ‘cause of that and that was cool cause he’s a really good kisser” Yuuri said stumbling over to wave a finger in JJ’s face before looking back at the platinum haired man who had fallen off the dragon to the balcony and was laughing about it for some reason and oh god it was Legendary Hero Victor Nikiforov. He was fucked.

“Look I’m sorry! It’s just I really like this girl but she said she wanted a kingdom to rule so I thought I’d give her yours!” He said backing away as the two other men managed to get onto the balcony to help Victor to his feet.

“That’s dumb. You’re a dumb person” Victor said making his way over to them before draping himself over Yuuri.

“That’s not nice Victor!” Yuuri whined and Victor giggled and kissed his cheek.

“Not you silly! GG or whatever his name is! He’s dumb. She didn’t want him to conquer her a kingdom she wanted him to propose!” Victor explained.

JJ froze. Isabella wanted him to propose?

“Duh! I’m God of Love! I know she loves you! Almost as much as Victor and Yuuri love each other!” Chris giggled before making smooching sounds, “Hold on! I can take care of this! PHICHIT!” the god yelled stumbling back. There was a sound and then Phichit, messenger of the gods was sat in the air above them, winged sandals fluttering.

“What is it Chris…wait…are you…are you drunk?” Phichit asked with a grin leaning down to get a better look at the God of Love.

“YUP!” Chris said happily, “Can you go get Isabella Yang? JJ is a dumb and we need to fix it.”

“Alright but I want the whole story when I get back!” Phichit said and in a flash he was gone and then he was back carrying a very startled young woman.

“ISABELLA!” JJ said taking another step back and colouring slightly.

“JJ? What’s going on?” She asked as she was gently lowered to the ground. JJ scratched the back of his head.

“I’ve been informed I may have misunderstood your request to rule a kingdom…um…did you want to become my queen?” he asked blushing deeply.

“YES! That’s exactly what I was hoping for! Wait you are asking right?”

“Yes I’m asking” He said with an embarrassed smile.

“Does this mean Skullcrusher can’t eat him?” Yuri asked plaintively.

“Sorry no. Maybe next time” Chris said patting Yuri on the shoulder.

“That’s two engagements! We gotta celebrate!” Yuuri said jumping up and down in excitement as much as he could with Victor clinging to him.

“Two engagements?” Hiroko asked for the first time, her and Mari having been struck dumb by everything that had happened.

“Oh right! I haven’t said yet. Mum this is Victor and I’m gonna marry him!” Yuuri said happily.

“Yuuri you’re drunk” Mari said flatly.

“Yup but I wanna marry Yuuri! I’ll take good care of him! He’s just so pretty and nice and funny and sexy and perfect” Victor clung tighter to Yuuri kissing the side of his face after each compliment while Yuuri giggled.

“I ship it so you know it’s true love!” Chris added happily.

After much arguing more gods were called, more wine was brought and somehow Lilia herself with the aid of Minako, her favourite nymph, ended up marrying the two couples. One sober and awestruck the other very drunk and handsy.

Mari wanted to object but Hiroko stopped her. She thought her son would probably be okay with it even sober.


	5. The Morning After

Yuuri woke the next morning with a splitting headache wearing almost nothing and in his own bed but with Victor Freaking Nikiforov wrapped around him.

There was also a man sitting on a chair watching them.

“Hi son.” The person said.

“Son?” Yuuri croaked, reaching for a pitcher of water and cup on the side of his bed.

“Yeah…um…you don’t remember anything about last night, do you?” the man asked.

“No?” Yuuri finally answered after draining his cup.

The man sighed.

“I thought that might happen” he muttered before clapping his hands once. Yuuri put a hand to head as memories of the previous day came flooding back. Which luckily included the introduction to the man, no God, sitting across from him.

“You’re the god of Revelry and I got married to Victor Freaking Nikiforov while drunk off my ass! Why would anyone let me do that?” he demanded, his voice a pitch or two higher than he would have liked.

“Because the God of Love kept insisting you were meant to be.” Toshiya said with a shrug, “I’ll leave you to talk to your husband but don’t worry he’ll remember it all.”

The God disappeared and Victor stirred beside him causing Yuuri to squeak in a very undignified way.

“Yuuri?” Victor finally rasped, cracking an eye open, “Is everything okay”

“Yes! No! I don’t know! We’re married and I barely know you!” Yuuri said burying his head in his hands. Victor sat up and put an arm around him.

“It’s okay Yuuri, I meant it when I said I wanted to be with you so I’ll do my best to make you happy. We’ll take our time getting to know each other. We’ll spend some time here so I can get to know your family and friends and then we can maybe head back to my place and you can meet Mila and Georgi and my hound Makkachin.” Victor offered. Yuuri let himself lean into that strong chest.

“Do you want us to live there?” he asked in a small voice. He kinda wanted Victor to say yes, he’d always wanted to travel the world and have adventures but at the same time he wanted Victor to say no so he could stay close to his family. Victor hummed.

“Maybe. I think we need to try both and see which works best for us. Of course, if we do move there we can still visit here whenever you want.” Victor told him before dropping a kiss into his hair.

Yuuri smiled and allowed himself to hug Victor.  Seemed like things might work out okay after all.

“OI! PIG! I NEED TO BORROW A COW! SKULLCRUSHER NEEDS BREAKFAST!”

With some complications of course.


End file.
